


The Continuing Adventures of Nightbird and the Fashion Designer

by Nicnac



Series: The Continuing Adventures of Nightbird and the Fashion Designer [1]
Category: DCU, DCU - Comicverse, Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Friendship, Gen, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-04
Updated: 2013-03-04
Packaged: 2017-12-04 06:58:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/707867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicnac/pseuds/Nicnac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dick plays dumb, Kara plays matchmaker, Santana plays messenger, Rachel is just in a play, and Kurt swears to God, he’s not friends with any of these people (except maybe the cute new guy).</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Continuing Adventures of Nightbird and the Fashion Designer

It all starts, for certain definitions of the word start, when Puck tells Kurt to go spy on the Warblers. Kurt, Rachel, and Mercedes still put together a fake Dalton uniform, and Kurt still has every plan to invade the campus, but in a world abundant with superheroes and supervillains, and where magic users run amok, Destiny likes to play things with a bit heavier hand than she does elsewhere. So the night before his undercover mission, Kurt stumbles across the Warbler’s page on the Dalton website with a performance schedule, including one the next week at a retirement home that would be significantly easier to sneak into than a gated private school. So Kurt and Rachel, who will not be deterred now that her gender isn’t an issue, go together. Kurt still checks out the cute lead singer who’s willing to sing Katy Perry without even changing the lyrics, but afterwards the two of them leave and that’s that.

High school sucks for Kurt, but he muddles through somehow.  It crushes him when he doesn’t get into NYADA and staying in Lima is slowly killing him, so when Rachel calls breaking down, he jumps on the opportunity to move to New York. That’s why he’s not that surprised when Santana shows up at their doorstep a few months later.

He manages to get an internship at Vogue.com and for the first time in a long time, it occurs to him that maybe Broadway isn’t his destiny. His first and only semester at NYADA cements this impression, and in the fall he starts at FIT. He’s doing what he loves, surround by friends that he loves, and now all Kurt is waiting for is his big break.

*~*~*

Blaine, for his part, notices the cute guy watching their performance at the retirement center, but he’s gone before the Warblers finish their performance debriefing, and not too long after Blaine meets Jeremiah. The infatuation and subsequent mortification of that ends up driving ‘cute retirement center volunteer guy’ from his head.

Dalton is good to Blaine, though the safety of it chafes at him in a way he never expected when he first transferred in. Still he’ll miss it when leaves for college; Hudson, partially because it has a good Dramatic Arts program and mostly because he can’t say no to the pride in his dad’s eyes when he finds out that Blaine got into his alma mater.

Freshman year Blaine has a crush of embarrassing proportions on his roommate, which is only exacerbated when David and Wes both tell him, as often as possible, that they will _not_ be singing with him in The Gap again. The next semester Dick drops out, and though Blaine is sad to see him go, he does have to admit his life is a little easier when he’s not dealing with having a crush on a straight guy. And Blaine is really happy at Hudson, even if it feels like he’s still waiting for something.

*~*~*

Kurt is not having a good day.

He woke up late, which means he had to drink the horrible he-doesn’t-know-what that Rachel makes and claims is coffee, then he had a test that he’s almost positive that he failed spectacularly, then he had to sit through another class and be constantly reminded that he’s three weeks behind on a project that was assigned less than four weeks ago, then on a rushed stop at the bank on his way to work, he decided to go inside, since the tellers are usually faster than the humongously long lines at the ATM, and five seconds after, someone decides to rob the place.

Also? There’s a good chance his new Marc Jacobs jacket is ruined because the robbers made everyone lay down on the floor, and  they were very empathetically not willing to give Kurt time to take his jacket off and fold it neatly first.  

Then, out of nowhere, someone bursts _through the wall_ , splattering debris everywhere. On the downside, this means the probable destruction of his jacket has just been upgraded to definite, but on the upside, it also means that Supergirl is now taking the guys with guns out literally faster than the human eye can see.

The bad guys are taken care of in short order, but the police statements and whatnot take much longer. By the time it’s all finished Kurt is so late for work he’s seriously considering just calling in and pretending he’s sick and slept straight through his alarm. And it’s while he’s having that particularly noble thought that Supergirl flies out of the sky and lands right in front of him.

“Hi, I’m Supergirl, but my friends call me Kara,” she says, smiling and sticking her hand out and oh my God, Supergirl is talking to him!

Kurt shakes her hand vigorously. “I’m Kurt and it is absolutely amazing to meet you Supergirl,” he says, not daring to presume himself her friend. But of course as soon as he’s says it, he’s mortified, because it’s not like she was testing him or anything, and if she said the her friends call her Kara, then that actually just means that she wants him to call her Kara, and now he’s offended her.

Kara, though, just throws her head back and laughs. “Touché; I guess we aren’t really friends yet. Funny and a good sense of style.”

Oh god, she isn’t hitting on him, is she? There’s no chance that Supergirl would be hitting on _him_ , right? Granted, it wouldn’t be the first time that a girl had hit on Kurt, but this was _Supergirl_ , and at least with Mercedes he hadn’t had to worry about her literally breaking him in half when she found out that she _really_ wasn’t his type.

“Anyways,” Kara continues, “I’ll get to the point because I’m sure you have better things to do.” Better things to do than talk to the famous girl with superpowers who probably just saved his life? Not even in his dreams is Kurt that fabulous. “Are you in any way involved in fashion designing?”

“I’m a senior at FIT,” Kurt says slowly, uncertain where this train of conversation is leading them.

“Fantastic!” Kara exclaims, bouncing on the balls of her feet. “Because you clearly have this fashion thing dialed in, while my uniform is…” She trails off, and yeah, Kurt wasn’t going to say anything, or even think it very loudly, but that outfit is almost a bigger cry for help than Rachel’s old animal sweaters. “I love Ma to death, but she kind of old and her sense of style is,” Kara crinkles her nose and shakes her head. “I mean, you’ve seen what she’s got Kal-El wearing. So I was hoping you’d be willing to design me a new uniform.”

Kurt blinks three times in a row, but no, this isn’t a hallucination. “Just to be clear, you, Supergirl, want me, Kurt Hummel to design you a uniform that you then plan to wear when you go out to fight bad guys.”

“If you wouldn’t mind,” Kara confirms with a winning smile. “I can’t pay you or anything, but you’ll have my eternal gratitude, plus free saves from bank robbers for the rest of your life.”

Kurt digs down deep inside himself, finds his composure, and grabs on with both hands. No way is he letting this opportunity pass him by. “I’d love to.”

*~*~*

Blaine is having a very bad day.

He just recently finished starring, if you could call it that, in a show that was so off-Broadway it was barely worth mentioning. But still, it had been an actual role in an actual play that actual people had paid actual money to come and see. They had all been so high off their success on closing night that the lot of them had decided to go on a trip together to celebrate. Blaine’s not sure who picked their destination, and to be honest he’s not sure he wants to know which one of his co-workers thinks Gotham City is a good vacation spot.

His second mistake in this whole mess, the first, of course, being agreeing to go on this trip in the first place, was not paying any attention to wear they were going after they left the hotel. His third mistake was… well to be honest, he’s not entirely sure if he just got separated from everyone else on accident or if they all have secretly hated him this whole time and ditched him on purpose, but either way he’s on his own now. And he doesn’t have a clue where he is, but he’s pretty sure he’s not in Gotham anymore, and he’s definitely sure it’s the bad side of town.

How does Blaine know it’s the bad side of town? Well, the trash and graffiti that seems to be literally everywhere was his first clue, but what really clinched it was the guy mugging him.

Blaine is trying to grab for his wallet without taking his eyes of the guy’s gun, when there is a whooshing noise, and suddenly the mugger is down and Nightwing – which means he’s somehow stumbled his way to Blüdhaven, great – is standing there retracing his cable grappling hook thing. “Are you alright?” he asks and holy fuck.

“Dick?” Blaine asks, and Nightwing freezes just a little.  “Dick Grayson? Holy fuck!” Blaine doesn’t normally curse, but apparently the guy he used to help with his Calc homework is a superhero.

“I think you have me confused with someone else,” Dick says, but Blaine isn’t even listening.

“Oh my God, Dick, I can’t believe you’re Nightwing,” Blaine rambles on. “Does this mean that you used to be Robin too? Is that what you were doing when you snuck out at night all the time? Oh my God, is Bruce Wayne Batman?”

A pair of hands plant themselves squarely across Blaine’s mouth. “Blaine, seriously stop talking now.” Blaine nods, and Dick slowly lets his hands drop.

“I can’t _believe_ -“

“Blaine!”

“Sorry,” Blaine says, abashed. “I’ve just never known anyone famous before.” Not unless you counted Cooper, which Blaine did not.

“Okay look, take this,” Dick said rummaging through a little side pouch on his uniform and pulling out a key that he handed to Blaine, “and go back and wait for me at my apartment. I’ll come meet you after I finish up out here.”

Blaine agrees and then follows the directions Dick gives him, because Blaine still isn’t entirely sure where he is now, much less where Dick’s apartment is, and then settles down on Dick’s couch to wait.

While he’s waiting he thinks about what Dick’s out there doing and why he’s doing it. He thinks about how he might be dead if Nightwing hadn’t been there to help him, and about a couple of boys that just wanted to go to their school dance that really could have used that kind of help. He sits and thinks, and something takes hold of him.

Dick comes in – through the window, which Blaine assumes is a secrecy thing – a little over an hour later. “Before anything else,” he says, “I’ve gotta know, how did you recognize me? It’s been driving me crazy.”

“I have a good memory for voices,” Blaine says, which sounds so much better than ‘I pined after you for over four months and memorized everything about the way you look and move and sound,’ even if the latter is slightly more accurate.

“Right, you’re a singer,” Dick says nodding. “I guess Bruce has a point about that growly voiced thing after all. So, you must have a ton of questions.”

“No questions,” says Blaine. “Just a favor to ask of you.”

“A favor?” Dick echoes, giving Blaine a vaguely suspicious look.

Blaine nods, and speaks before he overthinks it and lets his doubts get the better of him. “I want in.”

*~*~*

When Kurt looks up from his desk, there’s a perky blonde girl floating outside the window. He sighs, and decides it’s about time for his lunch break anyway.

By the time Kurt gets downstairs and out the front door, Kara is waiting for him, floating just a half an inch or so off the ground. Over time, Kurt has found that Kara rarely actually plants her feet on the ground if she doesn’t have too. If nothing else, he supposes it’s good for her shoes.

“I thought the point of having a separate superhero persona was not to have any friends or family members, so the bad guys can’t use them for nefarious purposes,” Kurt comments. Not that Kurt doesn’t love hanging out with Kara, but he has been wondering. Plus having Supergirl show up to pick him up for lunch only reinforces the idea his coworkers have that Kurt gets special treatment because he designed her uniform. They’re right, of course, but Kurt doesn’t like to rub it in their faces, not if they’re going to be bitchy about it.

“Tell that to Lois Lane,” Kara retorts and Kurt makes a noise of acknowledgment. Superman is about as subtle as a freight train on that one. “Besides, anyone who tries to nab you is just an idiot.”

“Excuse me?” Kurt asks, half-certain that there’s an insult of some sort buried in there.

“Think about it. I’m a superhero, saving everyone one from Tiny Tim to those assholes who cut in line at Disney World is in the job description. The only difference is, when someone I like is in trouble, I’m even more motivated to kick the asses of who ever put them there,” Kara explains. “Plus, I don’t always hear when people call for help, because there’s so much noise to sort through, but my subconscious has friends and family members on an automatic priority list; so if you ever need me I’m there.”

“Good to know,” Kurt says. “I would hate to think our continued association is putting me in danger.”

“Nope,” Kara says brightly. “Which is why we should hang out; we haven’t hung out in forever.”

“We’re hanging out right now,” Kurt points out. Kara pouts at him, and he rolls his eyes at her. “When we’re you thinking?”

“This weekend? Are you guys free?” Kara asks.

Kurt thinks it over, trying to remember his roommates’ plans before answering. “Well, Rachel and Finn are on again, so if she wants to come then it’s going to be both of them, and Santana is going on a second date with that brunette on Friday, or maybe it was the third date blonde? Either way she’s busy, but Saturday should be good for her. And I am as free as a bird,” Kurt concludes, only to see Kara frowning at him. “I’m sorry, are you angry that I’m available to hang out with you?”

“Yes,” Kara says decisively. “You should be too busy spending time with your boyfriend to hang out with me.”

“And if I actually _had_ a boyfriend, I’m sure I would be,” Kurt says dryly.

“You know,” Kara begins, “Static Shock has this friend-“

“No,” says Kurt, cutting her off. “You are not setting me up with anyone.”

“Why not?” Kara asks, pouting again.

“I swore off of blind dates after Rachel and Santana set me up on a string of them, all of which were absolutely horrible. Not to mention, I get the impression that most straight people think that two people both being gay means they’re soul mates.”

“Santana’s not straight.”

“No,” Kurt agreed, “but she does know a lot of people that are either crazy or scary or both.”

“Come on, just let me set you up on one little date, I promise I’ll pick someone amazing,” Kara wheedles.

“No,” Kurt says firmly. “Now drop it; I’ve only got a half hour for lunch.”

“Okay,” Kara says meekly, and Kurt, who doesn’t see the determined glint in her eye, thinks he’s won.

*~*~*

“You’re getting really good at this,” Dick compliments, wiping sweat off his brow.

“Thanks,” Blaine replies as he shakes out his arms, trying to get the feeling back in them after the force of Dicks kicks. “You’d be surprised at how good of shape you have to be in for some of these musicals.” Though these training drills definitely have Blaine wishing he had taken his dad up on his offer to get Blaine martial arts lessons.

“I believe it. You know, you’re almost ready to go out there for real,” Dick tells him and Blaine freezes.

“Are you sure? I don’t feel like I’m almost ready; not even close,” says Blaine, struck with sudden panic at the thought of actually being out there fighting real criminals.

“Honestly, I’d be more worried if you did think you were ready,” Dick tells him. “Overconfidence will get you hurt, or killed, a lot faster than being a bit nervous will.”

Blaine takes a deep breath in and lets it out. “Okay, if you think I’m ready, then I trust you.”

“Good,” Dick says with a grin. “Now all we need to do is get you a uniform.”

Blaine blinks in surprise a couple of times. Somehow when he had been picturing this whole thing, he had completely forgotten that part. “Where do I get one of those anyway?”

“Well, most of us just design and make own,” Dick says.

“Or you can do what I did, and get professional help,” says a voice, and suddenly Supergirl is alighting in front of them.

“I don’t think having a college student to do it for you qualifies as getting professional help,” Dick says, but his voice is light and he’s grinning hugely.

“A college student at FIT,” Supergirl retorts. “Besides, Kurt graduated last year, meaning he’s officially a fashion designer now. So is this the new guy, Nightbird? Hi, I’m Kara,” she says, turning toward Blaine and sticking out her hand.

He shakes it and says, “Blaine,” because they’re all superheroes here – holy crap, Blaine is a superhero! – and even if they weren’t, it’s not like Kara would be able to track him down to his real life with just his first name.

Kara crinkles her forehead and looks at Blaine intently. “Why does that name sound familiar to me?”

“He was my roommate while I was at Hudson,” Dick offers.

“Hmmm… Blaine, Blaine, Blaine,” Kara says tapping a finger on the side of her chin, and then her eyes widen and she lights up. “Blaine! I remember now. Oh, you are definitely meeting my guy.”

Blaine frowns a little at that. Had Dick made some disparaging comments about Blaine’s fashion sense back then? He knows that brightly colored skinny jeans and bow ties aren’t for everyone, but Blaine didn’t think they were strange enough that Dick, who was such a nice, happy-go-lucky sort of guy most of the time, would be talking bad about them behind Blaine’s back.

“Hold it Kara,” Dick says, holding up a hand. “What are you up to?”

“Nothing,” says Kara, all wide eyes and innocence.  “I just really feel that Kurt and Blaine could benefit from meeting each other.”

Dick side-eyes her for a second, before shrugging. “Fine. But I want no part of this.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kara says sweetly.

Blaine is getting really confused at this point. Obviously Kara is up to something and Dick knows what it is, but both of them are leaving him in the dark. “Guys? What’s going on? Is there something wrong with this Kurt guy or…?”

“Of course not!” Kara exclaims. “Kurt is absolutely fabulous, and you’re going to love him. No, this is just something between me and Nighhtwing here.”

“No it’s not, because I’m not involved in this” Dick corrects.

“Whatever,” Kara says, waving a dismissive hand at Dick before clapping them both together and looking at Blaine excitedly. “So, let’s call Kurt and get this meeting set up.”

*~*~*

Blaine is actually familiar with the coffee shop that Kurt wants to meet him at, though he tends to get his coffee at little local places rather than Starbucks, and it’s weird to think that he and Kurt might have actually run into each other before. Blaine’s pretty sure they don’t actually _know_ each other, though – he’s not friends with anyone named Kurt – and that’s kind of a relief because that might be just a little too weird.

Blaine orders his coffee, a medium drip, and then looks around for someone wearing a hippo head broach – which Blaine had originally thought was some sort of fashion term he wasn’t aware of, but Kara assured him was literally a broach with a hippo’s head on it. Finally, Blaine spots him in the corner working on a sketchpad and jeez Kara, you could have mentioned this guy was gorgeous.

“Kurt?” Blaine says uncertainly, though the odds of someone else coming to this particular coffee shop also wearing a hippo head broach seemed pretty low.

The man looks up tentatively – holy crap his eyes – and smiles. “Nightbird?”

“Uh, yeah,” Blaine says, taking the open seat across the table. “You can just call me Blaine though.”

Kurt relaxes and his smile grows, “Oh, thank God.”

Blaine laughs. “Yeah, a lot of these names sound cool, right up until you’re trying to have a causal conversation with someone and you don’t have anything to call her but ‘hey, you’ or ‘Black Canary.’”

“How do you guys even come up with them?” Kurt asks, sounding genuinely curious. “Obviously Supergirl got hers because she’s a girl and related to Superman, but where did you get Nightbird from?”

“Nightwing and I came up with it together,” Blaine tells him. “At first he suggested Flamebird because-“

“- of the Kryptonian legend,” Kurt finishes for him and then he smiles at Blaine’s look of surprise and confusion. “I love Kara,” he explains, “but sometimes I think she likes the sound of her own voice even better than Rachel does.”

“You _love_ Kara,” Blaine echoes because God did he read that relationship wrong, and is it really too much to ask that he get a crush on a guy who’s gay and not a total asshole for once, or is he perpetually stuck with just one or the other?

Suddenly Kurt seems to just shut down, and then he’s regarding Blaine with thinly veiled anger. “I love her like a slightly annoying sister, and you know I really don’t appreciate being judged off the way I look or what I do for a living,” he says tightly as he begins packing his things back in his bag. “I realize I might not have the moral high ground here, since I actually am gay, but you know what it’s still rude to just make stereotypic assumptions like that and-“

“Wait, wait, wait,” Blaine says, putting his hands up to try to stop Kurt from putting anything else away without actually touching him, since Kurt’s really pissed and might snap if he does. “I was just surprised, because I didn’t think the two of you were dating, which obviously you’re not. I swear I wasn’t being judgmental or homophobic or anything.”

“Really,” Kurt says, and it’s clear he’s not convinced, but at least he’s letting Blaine talk.

“ _Really_. In fact, what I was going to say was that we decided against Flamebird because I was afraid anything with ‘flame’ or ‘flaming’ in it was a little too… on the nose for a gay superhero.”

“Oh,” Kurt says, his anger deflating. “Oh. I’m sorry about that. I got a lot of crap from the Neanderthals in my high school; I guess I’m still a bit sensitive to it.”

“It’s not a problem,” Blaine assures him with a grin. “I do have a pretty good idea of what you went through, after all.”

Kurt smiles back at him, but it drops off in a heartbeat. “Wait, you’re gay?”

“Yes,” Blaine confirms.

“Dammit,” says Kurt, and okay, Blaine just missed something again. “Kara, I know you’re listening. We’re off for this evening and I don’t care how well you meant, I’m not talking to you until further notice.” Then Kurt turns back to Blaine, this time with a small apologetic smile. “Look, nothing against you, because you seem like a really nice guy, but I don’t do blind dates.”

“This is a date?” Blaine asks, and suddenly the weird way Kara and Dick were acting makes so much more sense. Of course, Blaine doesn’t object to the idea of being on a date with Kurt, but he would have liked to know beforehand, because really didn’t dress for a date, and his hair is probably a mess.

“She didn’t tell you either?” Kurt asks and Blaine shakes his head. “Well,” he says considering, then he takes a deep breath in and relaxes back to where he was when Blaine first walked up to him. “Then I don’t think there’s any reason that the two of us can’t have a friendly cup of coffee and discuss your costuming choices.”

“That sounds great,” Blaine says, and it really does, though he would like to come back to that date thing later.

“Okay, then just let me turn off my cell,” Kurt says, pulling the vibrating phone out of his pocket and giving it a murderous glare before shutting it off, “and we can get started.”

As it turns out, they actually aren’t able to get started then, because as soon as Kurt puts his phone back into his pocket, a small-ish woman who looks vaguely familiar to Blaine comes rushing up to them. “Kurt, there you are. Look, I know you’re busy, but I need you to come home and run lines with me before rehearsals.”

“And you can’t get Finn or Santana to do it because…?” Kurt asks, seemingly unperturbed by the woman’s sudden appearance.

“It’s a guy’s part, so of course I can’t have Santana read it, and you know how hopeless Finn is. How am I supposed to give my lines the proper emotion if he’s not giving me anything to feed off of?”

“I don’t know, Rachel. Look-“

“You’re Rachel Berry!” Blaine exclaims, and then blushes a little, feeling bad at having interrupted. But still, Rachel Berry, who’s not exactly famous or anything, but she’s still pretty well-known in the theater community, which means she’s a hell of a lot more famous than Blaine.

“Yes I am!” Rachel turns to him with a gracious smile, then pauses as she seems to really see Blaine for the first time. “Kurt,” she asks, sounding confused, “why are you having coffee with the Warblers’ former lead singer?”

“What?” Blaine sputters. How in the world had she known that?

Kurt looks at him, tilting his head to the side a little bit, and Blaine can practically feel him redressing Blaine in a blazer and tie. “Oh my God, he is! How could you possibly have remembered that, Rachel?”

“He was the, and then one of the, lead singers of one of our major competitors,” she sniffs. The ‘of course I remember’ isn’t voiced, but it’s pretty clear none-the-less.

“You guys were in show choir?” Blaine asks.

“McKinely High New Directions,” Kurt confirms, and things are now officially just a little too weird.

“So...” Rachel says, looking at Blaine.

“Blaine,” he supplies.

“Do you still sing? Because I’m starring in a show right now, off-Broadway, but that’s the way it goes sometimes. Anyways, like I said, I’m the female lead, but our male lead needs replacing, because the guy we have now is just… From what I remember, I think your voice would meld with mine really well, and since you’re friends with Kurt, I’d be happy to put in a good word for you.” Then before Blaine can say yes or no or even really process what Rachel just offered, she pats him on the arm and says “Think it over, and just get back to me on it by tomorrow, okay?” And then she goes right back to trying to convince Kurt to run lines with her.

Blaine sits there for a few seconds, trying to recover from the feeling he’s just been caught in a small tornado, when his phone beeps at him. He pulls it out and he has a text from Dick reading ‘That girl is famous or something, right? You should take her up on her offer,’ so Blaine shoots one back pointing out that he’s still supposed to be training. A few seconds later Dick responds ‘I’ll come to you.’ Blaine smiles, but then it occurs to him that the only way Dick could know about Rachel’s offer is if he was helping Kara spy on them. Blaine’s text about _that_ goes conspicuously unanswered, and Blaine gives his phone a rebuking look before putting it back up.

“Bad news?” Kurt asks, more to get Rachel to stop talking, Blaine suspects, than out of a desire to know.

Blaine shrugs. “It was just Nightwing.”

Kurt narrows his eyes. “Is he in on this too?”

“He’s officially disavowing any knowledge of it,” Blaine reports, which Kurt clearly takes for the ‘yes’ it is.

“Kara,” he says conversationally, “please inform Nightwing that he’s on my shit list too.”

“Oh, is Kara here?” Rachel asks, perking up. “Because I wanted to apologize to her in person for not being able to make last Saturday. It’s just _Finn and I_ -“

“Cram it Berry, no one cares that you and the Jolly Green Giant are back together again.” A Latina woman comes and sprawls in the last available seat at their table, and Kurt regards her with something like resignation.

“Santana, what are you doing here?”

“Supergirlie is all upset because you won’t talk to her, so she said if I came here and read you an apology text, then she’d give me twenty bucks and get me the number of that hot red-head with all the crazy plants,” Santana says.

“You mean Poison Ivy?” Blaine asks incredulously.

“That’s the one,” agrees Santana.

“You do realize she’s actually a criminal, right?” Kurt says delicately.

“And in Arkham Asylum right now,” Blaine adds, because he feels that’s pretty important.

“I don’t judge,” Santana says, and Blaine, who has known her for all of two seconds, knows better than to believe that. “At least,” she amends, “not when they’re that hot.”

“Santana, I’m really starting to get worried about your clearly destructive taste in women,” Rachel says. “I know that things have been hard since you and Brittany broke up again, but-“

“Munchkin,” Santana interrupts, “do I bug you about the stupid thing you and Hudson have going on?”

“Yes,” Rachel answers.

“Constantly,” adds Kurt.

“Yeah, well, regardless, none of y’all are allowed to talk about me and Brit, got it? And that includes you, Eyebrows,” she says to Blaine, who doesn’t even know who Brittany is, aside from Santana’s ex obviously, much less why they would need to talk about her.

“Anyways,” Santana continues, “I’m gonna go ahead and read this thing, so I can get out of here.” She clears her throat and then reads off of her cellphone’s screen, her voice completely inflectionless, “Kurt. I’m really sorry I upset you. I know what you said, but I really did mean well. You deserve love and to be happy, so please don’t write Blaine off just because I was kind of setting the two of you up instead of it happening naturally. Love you. Kara. Hold up Hummel,” Santana says, her voice taking on her attitude again as soon as she reaches the end of Kara’s note. “Are you on a date right now?”

“Oh my God, Kurt!” Rachel exclaims, bolting up out of her chair and running around the table to grab Santana’s arm. “I’m so sorry; I had no idea this was a date. We’ll just be going now.” Santana, however, is staring at Blaine so intently that she fails to notice Rachel tugging on her, and both Santana and Rachel miss Kurt’s protests that this is not a date.

After ten intensely uncomfortable seconds that feel more like ten minutes, Santana finally breaks off her scrutiny of Blaine, standing up and slapping her hands on the table. “He’s got way too much hair gel, but he’ll do. Rainbow Brite,” she says to Kurt, “make sure you tell Kara I read that thing to you. And Helmet-Head, you break Hummel’s heart and there won’t be a body left for them to not find, _comprende_?”

“Yes ma’am,” Blaine says, because he’s pretty sure there is no other answer that won’t get him killed right then and there.

“Good boy,” she says with a smile that’s definitely more scary than it is comforting. “Come on, Berry, let’s go.” Then she somehow manages to reverse their positions so now she’s the one dragging Rachel away, and Kurt buries his face in his arms.

“Your friends seem nice,” Blaine offers after a few seconds of slightly awkward silence.

“Those people are not my friends,” Kurt says, his voice muffled. “In fact, I’m calling Mercedes tonight and moving in with her in LA in the morning.”

Blaine knows that Kurt must be joking, but finds himself panicking a bit, because _what if he’s not_? “If you leave, who’s going to design my uniform?” Blaine asks, hoping to God he doesn’t sound desperate.

Kurt perks his head up and looks at Blaine. “You mean you’re not about to head for the hills?”

Blaine grins at him. “It takes more than those two to scare me off. I’d be in trouble with my, uh, _job_ if it didn’t.”

“I don’t know, you haven’t seen Rachel in full crisis mode yet,” Kurt says teasingly. “Plus, apparently Santana’s hair is full of razorblades.”

“It is not,” says Blaine, cracking up with laughing.

“That’s what she tells me,” Kurt replies. “Well, I guess if you’re sticking around, then I’ll stay too. At least until your outfit is done.”

“Good,” Blaine says. _Because I’m pretty sure I’ve been looking for you forever._

**Author's Note:**

> Cover by the lovely [ctbn60](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ctbn60/pseuds/ctbn60)


End file.
